In an article that reads like something from The Onion, Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-TX) claims to have uncovered a terrorist plot to breed baby jihadists in the U.S.:

Republican Rep. Louie Gohmert, speaking on the House floor last week, cited as his source a “retired FBI agent.” He said the agent explained to him that foreign terror groups are looking to “game our system” by sending pregnant women to the United States to give birth to terrorists-in-training, who would have the added advantage of U.S. citizenship. Of course, the plot wouldn’t come to fruition for decades.

“It appeared they would have young women, who became pregnant, would get them into the United States to have a baby. They wouldn’t even have to pay anything for the baby,” Gohmert said. “And then they would return back where they could be raised and coddled as future terrorists. And then one day, 20, 30 years down the road, they can be sent in to help destroy our way of life.”

This is one of the most creative (not to mention ridiculous) conspiracies I’ve ever heard, but obviously there are numerous problems with it, the most notable being, how exactly is it known that such children would grow up to be terrorists? It’s true that many children can be raised and/or brainwashed to believe certain things, but it’s by no means a given that a child will adopt his parents’ political views wholesale. And even if he is convinced that America is evil, it’s quite another to strap a bomb to one’s chest (or fly planes into buildings, etc.).

Of course, an even bigger question might be, if these women are terrorists and they’re already in the United States, why wouldn’t they go ahead and launch an attack of their own, instead of simply coming here, giving birth, and returning home with the hope that in 20-30 years their little bundle of joy might kill someone? Seems to me if you already have a terrorist on the ground in the U.S., it would be smarter to go ahead and use them to launch an attack today, instead of waiting several decades for their children (who may not even become terrorists) to do so.

I don’t think Gohmert thought this through.

Can how you vote effect your testosterone levels? A new study says yes:

According to an interesting new study, men who voted for Sen. John McCain in last year’s presidential election experienced a drop in testosterone levels after Barack Obama was announced as the winner.

The testosterone levels of men who voted for Obama remained at the same levels throughout the evening.

It never ceases to amaze me the things people will spend their time researching.

Sevier County is sometimes considered a top redneck honeymoon destination. Elitist? Yes. Unfair? Not in the least:

Police say two Campbell County newlyweds were arrested on their wedding night for burglarizing the Sevierville chapel where they were married.

WATE-TV reported that Brian Dykes and Mindy McGhee were married Wednesday at the Angel’s View Wedding Chapel at the Black Bear Ridge Resort. Following the wedding, the couple rented a cabin at the resort.

According to the Sevier County Sheriff, an employee noticed the couple’s car back outside the chapel around 1 a.m. and lockbox with cash was missing.

Deputies found the couple at a restaurant, where they confessed and turned over the missing $500. They are being held in jail on bonds of $10,000.

China trusts prostitutes more than politicians.

The Reluctant Optimist:

Secondly, does anyone doubt that Obama would try to negotiate with the Decepticons? Of course he would. You KNOW he would.

File under stupid criminals:

State police in New York say two Pennsylvania men robbed a gas station and might have gotten away if they had also fueled up. Troopers said they caught 29-year-old Lonnie Meckwood, of Carbondale, and 51-year-old Phillip Weeks, of Tunkhannock, after their getaway car ran out of gas while the were trying to escape late Monday night.

WKRN reports:

An investigation is underway to determine if a Metro police officer’s contact with alleged prostitutes crossed the line.

Metro police confirm to News 2 there is an internal investigation into allegations Detective Wayne Fisher went too far during two separate prostitution stings.

According to the case files, the alleged incidents happened in 2007; one in a hotel room and the other in a car.

The files say Detective Fisher, while acting in an undercover capacity, may have engaged in inappropriate contact with an alleged prostitute.

Detective Fisher stated he was never told he could not get naked.

Via ACK

Not that most politicians would drink and drive, but the hypocrisy is typical:

A Maryland state delegate who called for “DUI” license plates that would be issued to people convicted more than once of drunken driving has been charged with driving under the influence himself.

A new poll from AP/Yahoo News answers a question I’ve been wondering about for literally decades. It even breaks down the numbers by demographics!:

People would rather watch a football game with Barack Obama than with John McCain — but by barely the length of a football.

Obama was the pick over McCain by a narrow 50 percent to 47 percent, according to an Associated Press-Yahoo News poll released Friday that generally mirrored each presidential candidate’s strengths and weaknesses with voters. Women, minorities, younger and unmarried people were likelier to prefer catching a game with Obama while men, whites, older and married people would rather watch with McCain.

I can’t think of any other word to describe this:

A 33-year-old woman stole her daughter’s identity to attend high school and join the cheerleading squad, according to a criminal complaint filed against the woman.

Wendy Brown, of Green Bay, faces a felony identity theft charge after enrolling in Ashwaubenon High School as her 15-year-old daughter, who lives in Nevada with Brown’s mother.

According to the complaint, Brown wanted to get her high school degree and become a cheerleader because she didn’t have a childhood and wanted to regain a part of her life that she’d missed.

When Subway failed to make Reginald Peterson’s sandwich the way we wanted, he did the only logical thing: he called 911!

Some of you defense lawyers out there might want to take notes:

Apparently there’s a snake handling crackdown in Kentucky:

More than 100 snakes, many of them deadly, were confiscated in the undercover sting after Thursday’s arrests, said Col. Bob Milligan, director of law enforcement for Kentucky Fish and Wildlife.

Most were taken from the Middlesboro home of Gregory James Coots, including 42 copperheads, 11 timber rattlesnakes, three cottonmouth water moccasins, a western diamondback rattlesnake, two cobras and a puff adder.

Handling snakes is practiced in a handful of fundamentalist churches across Appalachia, based on the interpretation of Bible verses saying true believers can take up serpents without being harmed. The practice is illegal in most states, including Kentucky.

For the second time in two years, crop circles have appeared in Monroe County.

A lawnmower DUI.

The indispensable Michael Silence reports:

Athens police say two men walking to get gas for their empty car started fighting over who should pay for it and ended up in jail, one with minor stab wounds.

Police said both David A. Lundsford of Sweetwater and Roger Gifford of Athens remain in custody pending a court appearance Friday.

A police report shows Lundsford suffered a minor stab wound in the abdomen, apparently inflicted with a pocket knife early Wednesday. A witness told police that she saw Lundsford punching Gifford.

Lundsford told officers that he and Gifford were walking north on Congress Parkway after running out of gas and they started arguing about who should pay when they got to the pump.

Both men are charged with public intoxication.

That last part is a shocker.

Lest anyone think we Southerners are the only sports obsessed folks in America, we find this story from New Jersey:

State Sen. Robert Singer wants the NCAA to investigate the Feb. 11 game that Tennessee won 59-58 over Rutgers despite a question over whether the clock expired.

The Republican’s non-binding legislation calls upon the NCAA to investigate why the game clock seemed to pause for more than a second just before reaching zero. Tennessee had time for Nicky Anosike to make two foul shots to win.

Somehow, when they were drafting their Constitution, I don’t think the founders of New Jersey had this in mind.

I’m glad I don’t live here:

A TOWN in South America is living in fear after several sightings of a ‘creepy gnome’ that locals claim stalks the streets at night.

The midget - which wears a pointy hat and has a distinctive sideways walk - was caught on video last week by a terrified group of youngsters.

If you’re a fugitive from justice, posting your whereabouts on your blog might not be a very smart move:

A blog post helped the LAPD nab a man they’ve been after for 27 years, the LA Times reports. Kazuyoshi Miura was wanted for the 1981 murder of his wife there. But he fled to Japan before he could be charged. (He was tried and convicted there, but the decision was overturned on procedural reasons. That trial was why Japanese authorities refused to extradite him.) Miura is an avid blogger, and for the last several years the LAPD has been an avid reader. In a move destined to go down as one of the stupidest things a fugitive has ever done, Miura posted about an upcoming trip to Saipan, a U.S. territory. No surprise: the police were waiting for him.

Via Stephen Bainbridge

This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in quite some time.

Via Steven Taylor